Several years ago, author and speaker Johann Hari drew a famous conclusion about addiction: “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.”
In other words, the most important protective factor against addiction was having a robust sense of community.
There’s a lot about this that I think is right, and I think it applies to screen time addiction as much as any other kind. When we have something bigger to live for than our own gratification, it’s easier to practice self-control with our devices.
But there were issues with the way Hari drew his conclusions. In particular, a key question usually went unanswered: what kind of connection/community are we talking about?
Coming up:
What makes a truly restorative community
How a group of parents’ collective pact to delay smartphones for their kids improved their kids’ mental health
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Let’s get to it.
The opposite of addiction is (healthy) connection
Johann Hari’s conclusions were informed by two studies that involved rats and morphine.
In the first study, a rat was placed alone in a cage with two water bottles—one full of normal water, the other full of morphine-laced-water. The study found that most isolated rats would repeatedly choose the morphine-water, and eventually overdose.
Then, a psychologist named Bruce Alexander noticed something: the rat in this experiment didn’t have anything else to do with its life other than get high. So he built “Rat Park”: a new enclosure with balls, wheels, slides, and most importantly, lots of other rats to spend time with.
Alexander also gave these rats the normal water and the morphine-water options—but found that almost none of the rats in Rat Park went for the morphine-water.
The conclusion many drew—including Hari—was that having a strong sense of community was the most important protective factor against addiction.
And that’s true… right?
Honestly, there’s a lot about this that seems intuitively right.
In their book Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend seem to echo the same conclusion when they write:
“One of the greatest boundaries you can create to stay healthy in the digital world is to have a full life. A full life is one in which you are investing your time and energy in relationships and activities that are meaningful, enjoyable, and worth engaging in.”
But unfortunately, there was a problem.
Scientists weren’t able to replicate the study results.
In fact, in some attempts to replicate the original studies, the rats in Rat Park actually drank more morphine-water than the rat who was left alone. The community factor here actually made the drug abuse worse.
So what are we to make of this?
Well, here’s one thing I make of it: not all “community” is created equal.
The difference between a restorative community and just a group
Any recovering addict can tell you that who you choose to spend time around can be the difference between falling deeper into an addiction, or learning how to climb out.
Said another way: there’s a difference between being surrounded by a healthy, restorative community—and just being connected to a random group of people (or rats).
So how do we tell one kind of group from the other?
Here are five of the main factors I’ve identified in healthy, restorative community:
You feel like you can be your full self there. You can be transparent—and when you are, you feel accepted.
You feel like you are trusted and respected by others in the community. Others in the group regard you with dignity.
You feel like you contribute to the community and like you are a valuable part of it. You don’t feel like you’re just a taker.
You know that even when you make mistakes, you are accepted. It’s okay to fail, or mess up—and the group rewards honesty.
You experience a sense of healthy peer pressure. The group wants its members to improve. You don't get together and discourage each other, or tear each other down. Out of concern for each others’ well-being, you encourage each other to keep growing. You want each other to keep improving, and it shows.
So here’s my final question to you: to what extent do you have this sort of community? And if you do have it, how often are you making space for it?
Because the opposite of addiction probably isn’t spending all of your time with the friends who are still stuck in the same bad habits you’re trying to move out of. But having a truly restorative community is essential for becoming who we want to become—and, I maintain, it is a crucial part of outgrowing tech addiction.
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